The new market banner!  Now who is that fella with the guitar?  I wonder? 

    I received my weekly email newsletter from the Nyack Farmer's Market this week and was pleasantly surprised to see the new banner, with a shot of 'yours truly' playing and singing at the market.  What a warm fuzzy feeling it was.

    It feels like ages since that last time I played at the market.  I guess it's been about 4 months.  I do miss it a bit.

    I was very fortunate to have the opportunity to play at that market.  I have heard of other artists having bars, or coffee houses or clubs, with open mic nights or some such regular event that they took part in early on.  These places often became where performing, was discovered, developed and informed.  These places were safe places as well, places one could be oneself or what ever version of themselves they wanted to present.  I suppose the Nyack market has been that kind of place for me.

    Farmers markets are kind of funny places to perform at in a way.  People don't come there to hear music, or very few people do.  The "audience" is there to do something else and the job of the performer is to add some ambience.  It is very different than an open mic at a bar or cafe, where people sit and face you and actively listen.  Most people playing at farmers markets are playing well established music, traditional tunes or covers, these both can established a desired mood, partly because they are familiar and partly because of the selection of music being generally upbeat.

    I took a chance and played only my own original material, and not all of it was sunshine and daisies.  I remember one day when a woman, maybe in her 60's came up and dropped a bill in the guitar case, smiled and then said, "that wasn't really a happy song was it?"  as if to say that she is listening.  I got the impression that like a sweet older woman, she'd appreciate happy songs more but that she would allow it.  She did after all give me a smile and a tip.

    I daydream about the coming Spring and Summer and the possibility of singing some of the new songs at the market, if they will have me back.

A Nano-career as a professional musician, singer-songwriter.

 Which is smaller micro or nano?
A nanometer (nm) is 1,000 times smaller than a micrometer. It is equal to 1/1,000,000,000th or one-billionth of a meter. When things are this small, you can't see them with your eyes, or a light microscope.

(you may have to use your heart)

From this moment in time, considering the larger realities of the world, I find myself inclined to think about my so called career in music and performance in the past tense.  It's not that I wouldn't like to continue on the path I began, but that path really doesn't seem visible to me.

"Geared up with hiking boots, a back pack, a walking stick I come to the edge of the land. I look out, look left, then right and see only sand and sea.  I left the forest a year ago now, or almost, and haven't seen a tree or any other thing that might be used as a boat or raft.  I can't continue on the heading I have chosen.  A way forward is invisible to me. Way out over the water are dark clouds and lightning that make even the ridiculous idea of trying to swim toward my goal, unthinkable."

 Maybe it was a small career in music, very small, micro, no even smaller, a nano career in music.  You might think that thinking of my "career" in music in the past tense would be painful, but I tell you it is definitely not, in fact, maybe it's better this way.

I a very short time, I feel that I have accomplished a lot, or at least that I have done what I set out to do and so much more than I dared imagine possible from me.

I set out to learn about music, not to master an instrument, but to become versed and skilled enough to enjoy expressing myself with it, and to create music, the music that I felt was inside of me.

That is a pretty vague requirement.  It could have been learning to play "Twinkle, Twinkle little Star".  It also could have been playing and creating something that would resonate around the globe and over time.  I did not require that my experiment with music be affirmed by anybody else other than myself.

I have enthusiastically appreciated music for as long as I can remember.  I have been in awe of those who created and performed it.  It has accompanied me even when I was alone and far from a radio or recording.  When I could not hear a human caused bit of music I listened to the music of the earth and universe as it spun, and hummed along, or let it lull me to sleep.

Why my Nano-career satisfies me.

First,

    For a few years I was payed to play for people, and during that time I have never publicly played a song that I hadn't created myself.  I was asked to play my songs for others.

Second,

I made an album and a few people bought it, but only a few.  I made that album because a couple of people asked me for it.

Third,

I have had the privilege of affecting people in a direct and positive way.  I have watched people who were in a hurry, slow down for a moment and listen to my song.  I have been told by people that I have changed them, with my song, from a dark mood to a happy one.  I have made children want to connect with me, but really, I believe, with live music.

    My career may have been very small, on a nano scale, and been short, a few years, and reached only a small number of ears, but it accomplished all it was suppose to and more.  I have gained so much from this short, small adventure.  I have gained things that I did not know were there to be sought.  What more can somebody ask for.

In truth, I will go on.  I have many songs that have not been released to the public, and I have ideas for songs that I have not yet created.  I have curiosity and enthusiasm for playing more, and often and taking music down avenues new to me.

I listen to my own music, not all the time, but often.  I eat the food I make and it makes me happy.  I sail the boats I built and enjoy them.  I live in the house that I have worked with my own hands and tools and it gives me great comfort.  Why should I not enjoy the music I make, not just in the making of it but also listening to it?

I have heard some actors say that they never watch themselves on screen.  If it's true, I find that sad.  If they can't find some joy in watching their own work then why should we?  Learning to accept my shortcomings, as well as my strengths, being happy with who I am is something that performing music has taught me, and that is a lesson I can use all my life.  I've learned, not to take it all so seriously, laugh at myself, not just with myself.  It' OK.

I want to thank all of those people who have taken a moment and listened, especially those who had a kind word or smile or a thumbs up, or even a coin tossed into my case.  You gave me something I never dreamed would be for me.  I hope that the songs were an equitable exchange for you.  I definitely think I got the better deal of it. 💗☮️🎵